Conference oass::babynames

    
    
    	I like Brice, but how about Bryce.
    
    		I think Quentin Bryce sounds nice and you could
    	call him by his middle name, if Bryce is what you'd like.
    
    	-Jeanne

    Cindy,
    
    I can sympathize with you because I had the same problems with
    my husband before I had my baby.  We had a few knock-down,
    drag-out fights when it came to choosing a boy's name for our
    baby.  (I think good names for boys are the hardest to find
    and definately the hardest to decide upon).  But all I can say
    is just try to compromise somehow.  How about choosing a name
    from his side of the family for Brice's middle name?  That's
    what I did.  My husband liked the name Ian more when I suggested
    using his father's first name (my husband's father, that is) as
    a middle name.  Now granted I didn't really like his father's
    name that much, but it won me the battle to name our child Ian.
    And wouldn't you know it...  after all that hassle, I had a girl.
    
    Good luck and stick to your guns!
    
    - Kathryn  

    Kathryn,
    
    I think your suggestion is a good one but... His dad's name is Luther
    Basil (yuk, ick, pooey) but maybe I can suggest his grandfather's
    name as a middle name. I'm not sure if its because he thinks I'm
    showing favoritism or because I named Rachel that makes him so dead
    set against it. I know I'm going to catch a lot of flack for saying
    this but I think the mother should be deferred to because she had
    nine months of pregnancy and then the agony of birth.(and no they
    can't imagine how it feels) Oh well at this point we have agreed
    to disagree. The ultrasound in a few weeks will hopefully show us
    if we have to argue at all but mother's intuition says we will and
    I was right on the first one.
    
    BTW my cousin had a little boy and named him Ian Michael because
    his dad's name was John Michael and Ian being the Scottish form
    of John it made him kind of a Junior without the label stuck on.
    Its a beautiful name.
    
    Also Brice (or Bryce) is a form of Pryce which means "son of the
    ardent one". That didn't cut any ice with my husband either. Oh
    well I'll let you know.
    
    Cindy

    
    Cindy,
    
    Oh, I couldn't agree with you more about naming babies.  I think
    there should be a law stating that if parents can't agree on what
    to name their child, the choice should then be the mother's -
    mostly for the reasons you've cited :-)  O.K. dads out there,
    let's hear from you.  We haven't had a good argument in this
    notesfile for a long time!  The trouble-maker is back!
    
    - Kathryn
    

    I disagree, and for the same reason.
    
    During those 9 months, the mother has COMPLETE CONTROL over what is
    happening to the baby (health, etc.)  The father, after conception, has
    little (if anything) to do with the baby until its born.  Isn't that
    leaving him out just a bit?
    
    Besides; most of the OTHER choices are made by the mother (furniture,
    clothes, etc.)
    
    Just call me a sympathetic woman.
    
    K.C.

    Hi K.C.,
    
    I respect your opinion...  in fact, I almost agree with you, too
    except for one thing.  You mentioned the mother having COMPLETE
    CONTROL.  No, no, no.  Doesn't happen that way at all.  It's really
    the *baby* who has complete control over the mother's body.  I found
    it very strange to suddenly have absolutely no control over my body
    and sharing it with someone else.  Babies have many special needs
    that definately take priority over their mother's needs.  Not that
    I wasn't happy to oblige my baby (I really did enjoy my pregnancy)
    but not until a man can actually conceive, carry, and give birth
    to a baby will they ever understand what it's truly like.  As for
    them feeling left out and unimportant - well, I did my best to
    include my husband in everything that went on, but there were many
    times when he just didn't have any interest.  He certainly wasn't
    interested in staying up all night towards the end there when I
    just couldn't get comfortable...  etc. etc.  It all depends on how
    you look at it.  But one thing is for sure - I certainly never felt
    that I had any control over the situation.
    
    - Kathryn
    

    Dear K.C. and Kathryn,
    
    You both have good points, the husband can feel kind of left out
    during the pregnancy but.... my husband showed no interest at all
    when it came time for the three a.m. feeding (and I could't breastfeed
    so he could have done it as well as I) and he didn't care about
    the furniture, clothes, etc. So I guess I have to say I still think
    that the mother should get final choice. Just my opinion though,
    what about all the guys out there?
    
    Cindy

    I told my husband about this discussion.  He had been present during
    a number of friends' births, and his comment is this:
    
    "The father should name the child, because the way _some_ women are
    during pregnancy and birth, the child could end up named 'Expletive
    Deleted'!"
    
    He went on to say he was only kidding, a bit.  ;^)
    
    (Incidentially, we have all names picked out already.  Mutual consent.)
    
    K.C.

    K.C.,
    
    How lucky you are to have already agreed upon names!  I think my
    husband would disagree with me just for the sake of disagreeing.
    He and I are as different as day and night and he becomes somewhat
    annoyed when I say "Honey, all I'm asking for is a compromise.  I
    mean, it's only fair."  He thinks fair is 'his way'!  At any rate,
    I, like Cindy, am curious to know what you guys think out there.
    Remember the original question???  If a couple absolutely CANNOT
    decide upon a name, who should have ultimate say?  I know what the
    law is, in Massachusetts anyway - the MOTHER is the one who signs
    the baby's birth certificate.  
    
    - Kathryn
     

    My grandfather had a high regard for women and childbirth after he
    witnessed my grandmother giving birth to my uncle (she had him at home
    because she didn't want to leave my mother behind). When my mother was
    expecting her first she was warned by the doctor to have two names
    ready because there was a possibility of twins. My parents decided on
    Daniel Keith and David Scott for boy names and if there was just one
    he was to be named Daniel. This was all decided on ahead of time
    because my father was in the Navy and was cruising the South Pacific
    when my brother was born. My mom was all set to fill out the birth
    certificate with Daniel Keith as agreed but was having second thoughts.
    Mom says she will never forget when her dad came up to her and said,
    "honey, you HAD him, you NAME him". 
    
    Maenwhile, no one informed my dad of the change and he was all set to
    meet his son Daniel and was introduced to David five months later.
    
    My husband and I compromised on our daughter's name but he definitely
    got the better of the compromise soooo next time around the implication
    is there that I get the first choice.

    I liked Kathryn's comment that in Mass. the mother signs the birth
    certificate and its the same here in West Virginia. I jokingly told
    my husband that he probably wouldn't be there when they came around
    with the birth certificate and therefore I would fill it out with
    my choice and he replied "You might as well fill out the divorce
    papers too!" I hope he was joking.
    
    Cindy

    I would love to know how my sister and her husband decided on the name
    for their daughter.
    
    They had no trouble naming their son (Travis), but when they were
    expecting their daughter, there was positive war!  She wanted the name
    Meagan (a name that I, personally, can not tolerate) and he wanted for
    a name some Russian word which translates to "missile"  (I can't
    remember; but all I know is that she couldn't even pronounce it!)
    
    The baby ended up with the name "Holly Cassandra".  Nice name, but go
    figure.
    
    No one else in my family had any problems with naming.
    
    K.C.

  From this guy's perspective, it should be a mutual decision, which probably
means compromise.  We just finished picking out names for expected baby, due
on Feb 3rd.

  I for one refused to allow my wife to name it because she "did all the work".
This seems to be an attitude prevalent in second, third pregnancies.  Even
if it is 9 months of discomfort and a 12 hours of intense pain.  This is
a small percentage compared to 20 years of work to bring up a child.  The
men will hopefully be around for that.  It's a long term decision, naming
your children, and you both better be comfortable that you were involved,
and reasonably happy with the name.  Take note though that in by no means
do I intend to diminish the effort involved in pregnancy and delivery.

That said, here's a suggestion for those of you fighting it out like I did.
Concentrate on the first name.  Each of you go through the baby name book and
make a list of 15 names that were you to name your baby, you wouln't roll over
and be sick.  This is harder than you think.  I came up with 26, my wife
only 5.  The key is you must come up with a large number of acceptable names.
15 is a good number.  Next, this is optional, prioritize this list.  Then
when you've independently come up with your lists, share them with each other.

Common names on the list are possible compromise names.  One of you might
like one of the names the other put down.  You've got to try and forget any
previous arguments, and concentrate on picking a compromise name.  When that's
done, the middle name should come alot easier.

This worked for us.  My wife liked one of the names on my list, even though
she hadn't listed it herself.  Again, the key is you both have to pick at
least an agreed upon number (more than 10).

We're going with    Dominic James   or   Monica Susanne

Good luck,

Brian (have beeper, waiting for beep)

    Brian,
    
    Real good suggestion...  My husband and I did the "list-thing"
    last summer and it helped us a great deal.  We actually had 4
    names in common out of only 10!
    
    - K