Conference noted::hackers_v1

152.0. "Casey at the Byte" by SYZYGY::SOPKA () Fri Aug 23 1985 00:22

From:	DELPHI::MCCOY        "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!" 
From:	RHEA::DECWRL::"[email protected]" "Gerry Smith" 
From: V. Ellen Golden <ELLEN@SCRC-TENEX>
Subject: The truth about the budget, from MAD


			CASEY
		     AT THE BYTE

copied without permission from MAD Magazine
Artist: Don Martin [Illustrations not included]
Writer: Frank Jacobs

[and featuring typos by ELLEN]

The meeting at the White House
   Wasn't going well that day;
The budget plan was lost,
   Thus causing ulcers and dismay;
And when Jones failed at the keyboard
   And Kowalski proved a dud,
One could sense some great disaster,
   Like an avalanche or flood.

"Don't panic," said the President,
   "Don't blab it to the press;
"It's true without the budget plan
   "The country's in a mess;
"Two other 'aces' failed so far
    "To find just where it is,
"And so I've summoned Casey -
   "With computers he's a whiz."

A gasp was heard as Casey
   Made his entrance on the scene;
'Twas clear that he was just a lad
   No older than sixteen;
And yet dispite his lack of years,
   One fact outshown the rest -
As a trouble-shooting "hacker"
   His credentials were the best.

He boasted a degree from Yale,
   Plus two from M.I.T.;
His work with "backup", "RAM" and "track"
   Was marvelous to see;
The range of his computer skills
   Was hailed both near and far
From Commodore to IBM,
   From Wang to NCR.

There was ease in Casey's manner
   As he entered his commands;
One could sense some mighty power
   Was contained within his hands
With lightning speed his fingers moved
   To press each crucial key;
"The budget plan exists," he said.
   "It cannot hide from me."

With great persistence Casey toiled,
   And yet, upon the screen, 
No buried data came to light
   From in the great machine,
Except for birthday greetings
   To a Congressman in Maine,
Two vetos and a slogan
   From the '84 campaign.

The strain now shows in Casey's eyes;
   He's aged a dozen years;
But then, at last, to joyful shouts,
   The budget plan appears!
And now he lifts his head in pride,
   A smile upon his face;
And now the mood is shattered
   As his elbow hits "ERASE."

Oh, somewhere there are nations
   Where the keenest minds prevail,
Where budgets can be balanced
   And the experts never fail;
And somewhere data's safely stored,
   Preserved beyond a doubt,
But no plan can save the White House -
   Klutzy Casey wiped it out.



(with apologies, from MAD, to Ernest Lawrence Thayer)
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