Conference noted::hackers_v1

81.0. "Night Before Implementation" by SYZYGY::SOPKA () Tue Dec 04 1984 13:42

From:	HARDY::MAMOS        "Strictly from OZ"  4-DEC-1984 13:21


               THE NIGHT BEFORE IMPLEMENTATION


	'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE IMPLEMENTATION
	AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE, NOT A PROGRAM WAS WORKING
	NOT EVEN A BROWSE.

	THE PROGRAMMERS HUNG BY THEIR TUBES IN DISPAIR,
	WITH HOPES THAT A MIRACLE SOON WOULD BE THERE.

	THE USERS WERE NESTLED ALL SNUG IN THEIR BEDS,
	WHILE VISIONS OF INQUIRIES DANCED IN THEIR HEADS.

	WHEN OUT ON THE SCOPE THERE AROSE SUCH A CLATTER,
	I SPRANG FROM MY DESK TO SEE WHAT WAS THE MATTER.

	AND WHAT TO MY WONDERING EYES SHOULD APPEAR,
	BUT A SUPER PROGRAMMER (WITH A SIXPACK OF BEER).

	HIS RESUME GLOWED WITH EXPERIENCE SO RARE,
	HE TURNED OUT GREAT CODE WITH A BIT-PUSHER'S FLAIR.

	MORE RAPID THAN EAGLES, HIS PROGRAMS THEY CAME,
	AND HE WHISTLED AND SHOUTED AND CALLED THEM BY NAME:

	    ON UPDATE! ON ADD! ON INQUIRY! ON DELETE!
	    ON BATCH JOBS! ON CLOSING! ON FUNCTIONS COMPLETE!

	HIS EYES WERE GLAZED-OVER, FINGERS NIMBLE AND LEAN,
	FROM WEEKENDS AND NIGHTS IN FRONT OF A SCREEN.

	A WINK OF HIS EYE, AND A TWIST OF HIS HEAD,
	SOON GAVE ME TO KNOW I HAD NOTHING TO DREAD.

	HE SPOKE NOT A WORD, BUT WENT STRAIGHT TO HIS WORK,
	TURNING SPECS INTO CODE; THEN TURNED WITH A JERK;
	AND LAYING HIS FINGER UPON THE "DO" KEY,
	THE SYSTEM CAME UP AND WORKED PERFECTLY.

	THE UPDATES UPDATED; THE DELETES, THEY DELETED;
	THE INQUIRES INQUIRED, AND CLOSING COMPLETED.

	HE TESTED EACH WHISTLE, AND TESTED EACH BELL
	WITH NARY AN APPEND, AND ALL HAD GONE WELL.

	THE SYSTEM WAS FINISHED, THE TESTS WERE CONCLUDED.
	THE CLIENT'S LAST CHANGES WERE EVEN INCLUDED.

	THE CLIENT EXCLAIMED WITH A SNARL AND A TAUNT.
	"IT'S JUST WHAT I ASKED FOR, BUT NOT WHAT I WANT!"