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Conference terri::cars_uk

Title:	Cars in the UK
Notice:	Please read new conference charter 1.70
Moderator:	COMICS::SHELLEYELD

Created:	Sun Mar 06 1994
Last Modified:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:	2584
Total number of notes:	63384

582.0. "How to recognise a company/lease car." by AYOU17::NAYLOR (Drive a Jaguar, fly a Cheetah) Thu May 04 1989 17:02

    I was clearing out my "In" tray and found a gem of literature hidden
    way down under all those action items :
    
    				-0-
    
    Why are company cars so popular?  It seems they have special features
    rarely found in private cars.  These include -
    
    1. They travel faster in all gears, especially reverse.
    2. They have phenomenal acceleration.
    3. They enjoy shorter than average braking distances.
    4. They have tighter than average turning circles.
    5. They can take "Bumps" at twice the speed of other cars.
    6. Battery, water, oil and tyre pressures don't need checking.
    7. The floor is shaped just like an ashtray/dustbin.
    8. They only burn petrol from garages offering the best giveaways.
    9. They do not require to be garaged at night.
    10. Flashing oil lights can be ignored for up to 100 miles.
    11. Cleaning is unnecessary, especially on the inside.
    12. They have reinforced suspension to allow carrying of concrete
        slabs and the like.
    13. They are adapted to allow reverse gear to be engaged when the
        car is still moving forwards.
    14. The tyres are specially reinforced and are immune to damage
        from kerbs.
    15. Unusual and alarming noises can be eliminated by judicous
        adjustment of the radio volume control.
    16. No security is needed.  Who'd steal a company car anyway?
    17. Grass can be grown in the boot and does not require mowing.
    
    				-0-
    
    Anyone got any more?
    
    Brian	(never run a company or lease car in his life!)

T.R	Title	User	Personal Name	Date	Lines
582.24	Honk if you want to show off!!	UKCSSE::RDAVIES	Live long and prosper	`Mon Oct 08 1990 11:49`	12
	update on noticing company cars: The car likes it's master so much, it squeaks and flashes every time he leaves or approaches it!. Richard spoiler: Refers to these infuriating remote control alarms that announce their arming/disarming, and infuriates me so much. (I wouldn't like to have one of these as a neighbour, particularly late at night!)
582.25	How to stop the alarm doing that!	TASTY::JEFFERY	Tears of disbelief spilling out of my eyes	`Mon Oct 08 1990 12:24`	8
	If it is the standard VSL (?) fitted one. just have a look at the alarm, and there are four plastic covers. One of the covers is marked "Buzzer", take the plastic cover off, flick the switch, and hey presto, the lights flash and that's all when arming/disarming. The alarm still sounds if someone breaks in ! Mark.
582.26	Doesn't it destroy the pose value?	UKCSSE::RDAVIES	Live long and prosper	`Mon Oct 08 1990 13:15`	3
	Don't tell me tell them! Richard :-)
582.27	Let's hope that they read these notes	TASTY::JEFFERY	Tears of disbelief spilling out of my eyes	`Tue Oct 09 1990 09:53`	6
	Well I think the double whoop my alarm used to make on arming was pretty naff. No objection at all to the little beep or beep-beep that the old ones made. The indicators still flash when the car is armed or disarmed, and it is much less of an annoyance to neighbours.
582.28	Black Box..	VOGON::MORGAN	Physically Phffftt	`Wed Oct 10 1990 08:49`	16
	re : .25 and following.. The Mazda that I've just taken over has a VSL alarm and as what I know about car electrics could be written on the back of a stamp with a hammer and chisel I'd like some advice. Exectly what am I looking for re; finding the main alarm unit ?. Is it simply some kind of black box somewhere in the car ??. I've looked in the most obvious places i.e. glove compartment etc. but to no avail. I ask this as I'd dearly like to switch the buzzer off. Cheers, Rich
582.29	Black Box	BAHTAT::FORCE4::hilton	How's it going royal ugly dudes?	`Wed Oct 10 1990 10:12`	6
	Rich, On mine it's a black box about 1/2 the size of a shoe box, and it's under the bonnet in a gap they could find! Greg
582.30	only works if you have 2 ears	TASTY::JEFFERY	Tears of disbelief spilling out of my eyes	`Thu Oct 11 1990 11:40`	13
	Easy way to find it. Open the bonnet, and then arm and disarm the alarm. Listen out for the awful noise, and that is where the alarm is. The alarm looks like a fat siren, with all the electronics at the other end. This is probably the end most accessible. On mine, there were four little plastic plugs with writing on them. One of them had buzzer written above it, I removed the plastic plug, and flicked the switch with a coathangar. Hope this helps. Mark.