Conference terri::cars_uk

    A new BMW gimmick
    
      " NOW THE BWM MARQUE WILL NEVER BE MARKED
    
      It has been said that when a person invests in a BMW, they're really
    paying for a name. It's a charge that BMW have long learned to live
    with. After all, BMW is a name that reflects the very highest standards
    of construction and the very pinnacle of technical excellence.
      Sadly, layers of grime and dirt combine to leave it a name reflecting
    little else. Nowhere more so than on the enamel bonnet badge. So in a
    bid to keep their nose clean, BMW have developed the Badgewash system.
    
    [picture of a BMW badge with a tiny windscreen wiper mounted next to it]
    
    Available as standard on the 750iL (and as an option on all other models)
    it features technology never seen on a car before. A tiny sensor mounted
    in the wiper arm measures the light reflected back from the white sections
    of the BMW badge. Even if a film of dirt cuts out as little as 5% of that
    light, the sensor will detect it and start the wiper.
      The system is closely linked to the acclaimed Motronic [Moronic? :-)]
    engine management system. It means the wipe pressure can actually change
    depending on the car's speed. The jet washer boasts equally futuristic
    technology. An ion exchange system - softens the water before it's sprayed
    onto the badge. (Hard water would, of course, scratch the enamel surface)
      A fine system, you'll agree. But it's only the tip of the iceberg. BMW
    are refining a boot Badgewash at their German Research and Development 
    complex. Plans are in the pipeline for a wheel Badgewash utilising
    pressure from the brake pipe. There's even talk of an anti static
    steering wheel badge for dustier climates. [could this be a solution for
    the problems in note 999?]
      Clearly BMW will go to extraordinary lengths to clear their name.
    
    [now the cut out]
    Send to Uve Beenhad, BMW Information Service
    P.O. Box 414
    South Yarra
    Vic. 3141
    
    Please send more details of the BMW:
    [] Badgewash  []Bootwash  []Wheelwash  []Hogwash"
    
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    Not as good as the last one, at least the story about the fakes was
    *nearly* plausible.
    						John Gillings, Sydney CSC

    This year's UK spoof was the UWAT system, for translating foreign
    road signs.  The advert is quite good, with lots of silly names
    (e.g. Urbein Waundab) and silly acronyms (like UWAT).  I'll find
    my copy and bring it in, before I send the coupon off to Hugh Felvrett.
    
    
    Ian.
    
    P.S.  John, you should cut out the coupon and send it off.  They
    do actually reply to them.

    
    
    		"He!  Regarde ou tu roules, Anglais!"
    		(Your BMW will gladly translate).
    
    
    	The British are rather ill equipped for the Single European
    Market.  Because when it comes to languages, we tend to follow the
    "Shout loudly and they're bound to understand" school of linguistic
    thought.
    
    	Which is all very well � la Bistro, but somewhat useless sur
    la route.  For this very reason BMW developed their UWAT system.
    An Automatic Translation system designed by their senior technician
    Urbein Waundab. (Hence the acronym.)
    
    	A remarkable device that, at the touch of a button, turns any
    of the major European languages into English.  How does it work?
    Simple.  Imagine you're driving down the Champs-Elys�es.  Taking
    in the sights and sounds of Paris in the Spring.  Suddenly a car
    pulls up next to yours.  The driver winds down his window and shouts
    "PLUS VITE TORTUE!" whilst making several typically Gallic hand
    gestures.  Now, instead of smiling and nodding your head inanely,
    you just press 'FR' on the UWAT and Voil�!
    
    	Instand understanding (if not Entente Cordiale).  Yet it will
    translate far more than just the spoken word.  With the co-operation
    of the G�n�rale Oberland Transporto Unit (The Traffic Control division
    of Interpol)each and every road sign in Europe has a small black
    box fitted to it.
    
    	Developed in �cklein Anzincker, the box constantly transmits
    an ultra-high-frequency radio signal that contains all the details
    and information of the sign itself.  If you're motoring through
    Italy you simply preset the UWAT to 'ITA' and it will translate
    and read every sign it passes. Automatically.
    
    	So no longer will 'PERICOLO DI NEBBIA' have you glancing nervously
    down the Autostrada. (Wondering how on earth you're supposed to
    spot a Nebbia in all that fog.)
    
    	You'll find that your driving safety improves dramatically now
    that you can dispense with holding a dictionary or phrase book.
    And you'll find that, little by little, you'll pick up a word here,
    a phrase there.  Enabling you to reel off lots of droll foreign
    witticisms at dinner parties or weddings.
    
    	To find out more about the UWAT system, contact your local BMW
    dealer.  Or post off the coupon today.
    
    
    From 'The Independent On Sunday', 1/4/90.
    
    
    Ian.

.18�                       -< Why re-invent the babel fish? >-

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